It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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