He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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