is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize