If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Enjoy the penises
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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