the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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