3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
