Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
