Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
