kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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