Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
