I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
