it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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