it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
