We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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