i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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