Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
