thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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