Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
