okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
