My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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