Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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