Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
