Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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