But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
