a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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