I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize