im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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