I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
