I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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