So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
