Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
