She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
