p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They took my balls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize