i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize