my sisters under your porch take her home
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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