I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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