I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
