If that was your dad, he is hot
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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