Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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