You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
