Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want a musical about memes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
