the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
