I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
