there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
