I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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