you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
