watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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