the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
