He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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