I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
