We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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