You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
