she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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