I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
