he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize