May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
