He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
