So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
