they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is Oprah even human
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
