i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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