Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
