I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
