How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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