So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
