she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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