I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
