i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
