Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
