I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
