it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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