Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
