there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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