does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
