tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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