What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
