Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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