I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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