he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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