what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
